Between the brave excitement of youth and the reflective nature of old age lies the often-overlooked stage of middle age. It is that time in a person’s life when thirty years ago feels like yesterday, but moving with the agility of a twenty-year-old is long gone. We, in mid-life, start treasuring and reliving our past experiences and lessons and impart these to our children, often unbidden.
Youth is a time marked by spontaneity, exploration, and the thrill of adventure. We paint a riot of colours on a slap-dash canvas, our dreams unburdened by time. But a subtle shift occurs as time passes, and the canvas transforms into something more nuanced, a composition of experiences. The young don’t know that this is a prelude to the mysteries and wisdom that middle age will reveal.
Physical and emotional transformations are part of any journey. For some reason, however, these changes become more evident in middle age. The exuberance of youth begins to settle into a mellowed maturity. We start noticing the miles we have travelled in the first grey hair or the faint lines etched on the face. We resist these changes at first: we become vague when asked about our age, buy more expensive face creams, dress younger, use Botox and hair dye, and so on. Then, one fine day, it occurs to us that instead of resisting these changes, we should embrace them. In them, we must recognise our resilience, experiences, wisdom, and grace. (On a personal note: my peace treaty with middle age took about five years to sign and seal.)
In our journey through life, middle age is a stopover during the most glorious season. Even though we still worry about our luggage and settling the bill for our accommodation and what we are having for lunch, we get to wander and explore in new ways. Different things catch our eye. We take in more sights, and, best of all, we worry less about the other travellers and their opinions. We have survived challenges and weathered storms. Now we get to bask in the sun (wearing sunscreen). Our bodies unashamedly tell stories of laughter and tears, battles fought, and victories celebrated. Each line etched on the face is a line written in our book, which might not be a bestseller, but it is a testament to durability and growth. And we get to sign our name.
In the pursuit of reconnecting with ourselves, middle age encourages us to master the art of letting go. Whether shedding the weight of past regrets and mistakes or freeing ourselves from unrealistic expectations, this phase of life is a recurring reminder to lighten the load. Discernment is a skill honed by intentionally releasing what we cannot control or no longer serves us. That is wisdom. (I am building up my stash of personal mantras. The most important one of the last few years is: Just let it go, FFS.)
As the years pass, friendships evolve from the intensity of youth to the welcome warmth of middle age. True friends become the journal of companionship: that battered, leatherbound tome filled with experiences and anecdotes, only growing thicker and more enjoyable with time. By now, we have learned to invest in meaningful and soulful relationships where authenticity and shared history create unbreakable bonds.
For most parents, middle age is synonymous with the peak of parenting. As children grow into adults, the protector becomes the mentor. In all their wisdom, the parents provide a foundation of support while allowing their children the freedom to manoeuvre through their own mistakes and shape their paths and personalities. (My parenting highway follows a slightly different route. I am a middle-aged mom to a now eight-year-old. It is by no means easy. The roles of protector and mentor are playing out at the same time. Sadly, he does not yet appreciate my immense wealth of middle-aged wisdom.)
Middle age does not mean becoming an audience member in life. It’s an opportunity to embrace our renaissance, to start a second, better act. While wading through adulthood, many dreams and passions have become dormant. It is a time to rediscover them, to pursue them with the understanding and commitment that only comes with age. The wisdom from our journeys reignites the embers within us, directing us toward new destinations.
Oh, the balancing act! With the responsibilities of career, family, and societal expectations (if you are inclined to care about those), we are turned into trapeze artists in middle age. Self-care and nurturing of the soul become a necessity for sanity’s sake. Creativity, travel or moments of quiet reflection remind us of the need to reconnect and that we must continue on the road to grace through gratitude.
Middle age gives us the gifts of perspective and perception. Suddenly, it is not so difficult to find beauty in the mundane. Simplicity becomes a joy when we savour ordinary moments. We can perceive and understand certain situations, even people. We are also brave enough now to appreciate our points of view and those of others. Wisdom lies in recognising that we do not have to be like the next person, but we don’t need to fight to be different. Happiness is a collection of moments scattered throughout our lives, and gratitude should be the thread that connects them all.
Life today is not always easy. With the cost of living and education, all sorts of new viruses, and some old ones, it is easy to become disillusioned and embittered. Yet, it takes little to find something to be grateful for. Being thankful for having reached this stage in our lives is a start. Practising a moment of gratitude is not such an esoteric philosophy, after all. Whether through a journal, meditation, or simply expressing appreciation to those around us, cultivating gratitude transforms the mundane into the extraordinary.
There are times in middle age when we have no choice but to lug the suitcases onto our shoulders and set off in a different direction. Sometimes, we face our most significant challenges while still trying to navigate everyday responsibilities. Many of us will never be able to retire and travel the world. But in the grand scheme of life, middle age is a time of flourishing. It is a time when the seeds of experience bloom. This journey is more important than the class we travel in. So, as we enter middle age or continue, let’s savour the wisdom, embrace the changing landscape, and be grateful for the beauty of a well-lived life.
“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” Samuel Ullman
Intrepidly,
