*Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. This is my personal take on what doctors refer to as “cognitive dysfunction”.

You are telling a fascinating story. Your audience is hooked. Then you can’t remember the word for “door”.

You are tutoring a high school student and you can’t remember what a “laptop” is called.

You don’t remember at what time your child has his tennis practice (which has been at the same time for a year) so you write it down. Incorrectly.

I can list endless examples of what happens when brain fog attacks. Remember “The Mist”? Yes? Mind Mist is worse. It turns the most eloquent among us into dribbling idiots. It is indiscriminate. It is ruthless. It can also be funny as f***.

When I was younger, it infuriated my brother when I paused halfway through a sentence to ultimately forget what I was saying. This happens to all of us from time to time. And I am sure that, in my case, inattentive ADHD had/has a lot to do with it. Undiagnosed, of course. Gen X’er here. Now that I have hit the middle of the road age-wise, I have enough labels and meds to deal with without adding Ritalin to my morning routine.

But what is this mysterious mist that seems to appear unannounced?

Brain fog is a general term describing mental confusion or lack of clarity. It’s not by any means a medical diagnosis; it is a symptom that can have various underlying causes. Some causes are:

• Lack of sleep (I have graduated from transient insomnia to chronic)
• Stress and anxiety (I recently left my job to freelance, and I can’t remember a bloody thing)
• Hormonal changes (I mentioned the middle-of-the-road business)
• Nutrient deficiencies (e.g. vitamin B12, iron, omega-3s) (I tried fish oil in all its forms but couldn’t stand the constant taste of a trawler)
• Certain medical conditions like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and depression (Lupus for me, which causes all of these)
• Medications (e.g. chemotherapy drugs, statins, anti-depressants and meds that are supposed to help you sleep)
• Dehydration (yay, one box I do not tick unless I am drinking wine)
• Poor diet and excessive sugar intake (not even going to say anything)
• Alcohol (see dehydration)(in truth, I don’t drink much at all since growing into my personality)

Symptoms?

The following are a few of the symptoms of brain fog:

• Forgetfulness and memory problems (what was I saying?)
• Difficulty concentrating or focusing (mmmm, la la la la mmmm)
• Reduced mental acuity and slowed thinking (had to look up the meaning of acuity)
• Trouble finding the right words (THIS!!!!!!)
• Confusion and feeling “spaced out” (this has nothing to do with my “special” chocolates)
• Lack of motivation and mental fatigue (it really is doubly hard to get stuff done)
• Grogginess (period)

Are there remedies?

While doing research, I came across some ideas to remedy this insidious, life-altering thing. Bear with me, please.

• Get at least 8–9 hours of sleep every night (how?)
• Manage your stress levels and know your limitations. Find activities you enjoy doing (I enjoy writing, but not when I can’t string two sentences together)
• Avoid excessive alcohol and caffeine (covered this already, alright, besides, I drink tea, so can drink twice as much)
• Exercise regularly, but not too close to bedtime (does running around trying to get everything ready for school the next day count?)
• Brain puzzles (love crossword puzzles, but when do I get time?)
• Increase your intake of protein, fruits, vegetables, and healthy fats (I saw a meme today that says when you lick the icing off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin…)

Don’t beat yourself up

Having a head full of cotton wool is a constant struggle. And yes, it can be debilitating at times. But I prefer to find the funny in (most of) my challenges. There is an argument to be made for anti-depressants, after all. Instead of shuffling through the denseness, getting lost and feeling less than yourself, try to do one, or two or all of the following:

• No more stressing about fancy vocabulary or witty repertoire — you can just respond to everything with a solid “Mmmmm…” while you try to dredge up some nouns from the depths of a muddled mind.
• Brain fog lets you get away with doing the bare minimum at work. You can wander in looking dazed and mumble, “Sorry, fognoggin’ again,” anytime someone asks you to do something.
• Misplacing your keys/phone/wallet is no longer frustrating — it’s an exciting daily scavenger hunt to keep your brain active!
• You can avoid awkward situations by introducing yourself to your spouse, kids, and coworkers daily as if meeting them for the first time. “Hi there, I’m…uh…hmm…”
• No need to stress about making difficult decisions anymore. Just stare blankly until the opportunity passes, and the decision makes itself!
• You’re living life on edge-of-your-seat thriller mode, never knowing what you’ll forget next. Why did I come into this room? What’s my name again? Tune in next time for another mind-bending episode!
• Having a ready-made excuse for pretty much anything: “Sorry I’m late, total brain fog today. Also, why am I here again?” Blame it on the fog!
• You’ll never have to worry about remembering embarrassing moments from the past because your mind will be a beautiful, blank slate, and you can embellish it at will.

As always, find the funny

While brain fog may seem frustrating, look on the forgivable side. At least you’ll never be wanting for laughs as you stumble through each delightfully foggy day. The struggle is real, but the amusement is so worth it! My family has learned to live with it. They know what I mean when I say, “Close the blankets; it’s getting dark” or, “I must get meat from the meat pharmacy today.”

Ultimately, a little brain fog lets you approach each day as an amnesiac explorer discovering the world anew. It keeps things exciting and is a great excuse for pretty much any lapse in memory or cognition. Embrace that cognitive murk — it frees you from all societal obligations and lets you wander through life in a constant bemused haze. Just don’t forget to slap on a distant, glazed-over expression to create the full misty effect.

Embrace the haze!

Intrepidly,